Love yourself, girl, or nobody will

For starters, what defines a perfect family? In my eyes, a perfect family always consisted of a married mother and father, children and a designated pet. I felt that if a mother and father were not married, then they do not fit the perfect family image despite any circumstances. Well, I can inform you all that my perception of a perfect family has changed SIGNIFICANTLY over the years! My parents were married and divorced within 18 months. My mother raised a 5 mo year old baby while studying for the bar exam and passed the first time to become one of the most successful lawyers in the Bay Area (bragging much? Yes I am!) I’m a proud daughter, that’s all. 2 women raised me: a mother and a grandmother that were the best example of what a woman of God should be. My house was filled with love, Scripture, discipline and fun. I remember growing up and having each and every one of my best friends have a married mother and father and would envy their lifestyles thinking that I was different. My mother reassured me that she did the best she could, but did not explain the real reason of the “imperfect” family until I grew up. 

As hard as it is to be a single mother trying to play both roles, it cannot be done. God has created marriage so that children can view their parents as role models for their future in order to aspire to be like them. For example, I didn’t grow up with a father. My father was in and out of my life and could never stay consistent no matter how much I wanted him to be. As I grew up in my life, I have to use God as an example of what type of boyfriend/husband I want in my life because I didn’t have that father to look up to. In my high school days, I looked for attention through boys because I didn’t have that male figure or male attention at home. I thought that dating guys that I knew didn’t have the same morals that I did would help me cope with the deeper meaning of love and nurture I needed from my dad. 

When I was 19 years old, I recently got out of a fling with a guy I had no intention being serious with and wanted to give up on guys all together.. until my first day of community college. I met a man that I fell in love with. After meeting him, I felt that God finally answered my prayers and brought him into my life. After a rough beginning, we fell in love and began to share our hopes and dreams together. Our relationship blossomed as we grew into one person together. He encouraged me in so many ways to chase after my dreams, push myself when it came to obtaining the necessary units to graduate in 2 years and to apply to schools that I would never dream about going to. He pushed me to reconcile with my father because his father passed away the second he had the chance to get to know him. Unfortunately, I lost sight of my dreams and visions and started walking on a path that would lead to the darkest time of my life. I started prioritizing partying and alcohol instead of staying focused on the path God had planned out for me. After losing my relationship, I prayed and asked God to forgive me for my sins and that proceeded to punishing myself for the mistakes and hurt I made in my relationship. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, I didn’t know what to do. My mind was so foggy and all I could think about was how to punish myself in order for him to see that I was really sorry. 

It took me 6 months to really open my eyes and realize so many things. For starters, as women, we cannot look for the love our fathers have provided for us in men. If you’re like me and grew up without a father, you cannot go looking for a partner for that love and nurture. The only person we can be satisfied with is GOD! God is the reason we wake up and go to sleep everyday, he is the reason we are able to have the life that we have. Secondly, never force yourself on somebody. Do not make the mistakes I made by “buying love and attention” from somebody in order for them to love you. You cannot buy love, no matter what goes on in your mind. God has a perfect person waiting for you at the perfect timing, even if it isn’t OUR perfect timing. Lastly, you must love yourself before anyone else can love you. If you are not in good standing with yourself, you cannot bring in a relationship if you have loose ties in your life. Every relationship and every friendship I’ve encountered has been a blessing in my life, even if it didn’t end on a good note. The reason I say this is because each person has taught me something that I take in account in my life. My father has taught me that even though he was absent in my life and did not provide for me, I have to understand that God has provided EVERYTHING I’ve ever needed. Each time I have struggled financially, mentally or physically, he has provided in ways I could never imagine. When I thought that I lost the already broken relationship with my father and relationship with my ex, he opened the opportunity for me to move to Chicago and intern with one of the best PR women in sports. When I thought there was no hope for happiness, he brought my friends that I’ve known since childhood closer together in ways I could never imagine. 

The best friends I have are everything to me. These 3 women were there for me at my lowest point where I thought I could not wake up without tears in my eyes. They picked me up and allowed me to see how bright my future was, they pushed me to fighting for my dreams and wouldn’t let me give up. Everyday they reminded me of how beautiful I am, how blessed I am and what a wonderful person I am (I knew this all along, just like hearing other people say it haha). Having best friends that want nothing but to see you shine is so rare nowadays, but I can honestly sit here and say, that’s all God. Having a mother and a grandmother that are your best friends, that go the extra 5 miles to see your dreams unravel is breathtaking. To wrap this post up, I want everyone to know a couple of key points that recently I have really learned through my experiences. For starters, GOD loves you, and wants you to love yourself. Loving yourself doesn’t mean revealing your body on Instagram or showing it off to the world, but honoring your body and your inner-self and reminding yourself of your worth. Secondly, always trust that everything will be okay. Life is too beautiful to be angry. Anger is a useless emotion that takes too much energy. In order for me to love myself the way the Bible has taught me to do such, I had to let go of first, being angry with myself and the mistakes that I did make. I had to let go of anger from people that have hurt me and trust that God will reveal himself to them. I will let you go with lyrics from one of my favorite rappers, J. Cole, “Love yourself, girl, or nobody will”.